Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you would pick up someone in the library
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
