You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
