Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
