I wish I could teleport
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
