if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i have two assholes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
