You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
COCAINE IS GR8
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
