The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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