I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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