i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
