Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
