Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
