dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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