i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
