it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
