Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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