Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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