i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
