Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
