that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
