i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
