you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
