If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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