...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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