Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
