I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize