New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
