there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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