btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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