Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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