i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
