you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
