It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
