I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
