That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
