Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
