Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im holly from the hills drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
