So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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