Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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