im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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