You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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