i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
