Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
