How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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