her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
