I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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