The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize