a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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