You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
