How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
