I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
