you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
