A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Randomize
