You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
