Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
