mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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