yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
