Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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