One girl and one boy is just not enough.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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