Girls should come with a carfax report
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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