Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize